Basketcase
by RositaLG
Summary: "He's not a magic man or a perfect fit, But had a steady hand and I got used to it, And a glass cage heart and invited me in, And now I'm just a basket case without him." Post "The Mastadon in the Room". B/B. NOW A MULTI-CHAPTER STORY.
1. Basketcase

A/N: I recently went to a Sara Bareilles concert and therefore, her music is infiltrating every aspect of my life, even more than usual. (That's saying a lot because I'm obsessed!) A songfic, which I don't usually do, and don't even read that often but the muse struck so I must obey. Takes place after 6x1. Reviews (good or bad) are encouraged!

Disclaimer: I own neither Bones nor Sara Bareilles. The interpretation of both is all mine.

"Bones, what's wrong?" Booth asked, knowing that something wasn't right with his partner.

"Nothing." She said, completely lying.

"Bones…" He said again, waiting for her real answer.

"He was a baby." She said simply. "He was just a baby. We deal with murder all the time and we handle it, but this was an accident. He was loved and taken care of. It's almost worse."

"I know." He said, rubbing her shoulder. His comforting gesture and the way he was concernedly staring at her caused her to lock eyes with him. If this had been any other man, she might have kissed him. Instead, she recalled Hannah's photograph that he had flashed before her only a few days earlier.

"I'm sorry." She said, breaking away from him. "I'm probably just tired. I'm still on Maluku time and we just jumped right into this case for Cam's sake. I'll be fine after I get some sleep." She said, hoping he was as off-kilter as she was at the moment and he wouldn't catch the lie. She held her breathe as she glanced over at him. If he saw through her, he never showed it.

_I don't want to talk about it to you  
I'm not an open book that you can rifle through  
The cold hard truth that you'll see right to  
I'm just basket case without you_

"Let me take you home." He said, wrapping an arm around her waist. She fought the wrench of her gut at his hand on the small of her back. She used to think that his touch was the only thing that could truly comfort her but what was once steady and familiar was now the only thing that could truly hurt her.

_He's not a magic man or a perfect fit  
But had a steady hand and I got used to it  
And a glass cage heart and invited me in  
And now I'm just a basket case without him_

She sat in the passenger seat, the spot that was rightfully hers, and stared out of the window. There was a time when no one could touch her, back when she was guarded and clinical. He was the one who had taught her about having an open heart. He was the one who taught her how to feel, to love, and to really experience life. For the seven years that they had been partners, there had been stolen moments when he had made her feel loved and wanted. Every one of those moments was now coming at an expense. To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction, she thought.

Hannah. The name alone made her stomach turn all over again. Even from the other side of the world, the woman was destroying everything good that they had once had. Although, she was partly to blame as well. She had waited seven months to return and tell him how sorry she was, how much she regretted her decision to turn him down. At the time it had been a panicked move, and with the light of day, she had immediately realized what she had missed out on. It took flying halfway around the world to realize that she wanted nothing more than to be next to him.

Ever since that night, she had been haunted by an old conversation: one that had taken place with Rebecca of all people. Brennan could still see the blonde discussing her missed opportunity with Booth.

"By the time that I realized I had made a mistake, that I'd still be the same person... I think there's a moment for two people, a single moment, where they can either catch fire or… Seeley and I, we missed our moment."

The only reason Brennan had remembered the conversation at all was because, at the time, she had applied it to her own missed opportunities with Booth when she got in the cab instead of trusting him. She mentally scoffed at her own foolishness. If that first night outside the bar was a missed opportunity, what was that night outside the Hoover?

Yet despite being miles apart at the time of her revelation, she had been convinced that he would understand the thoughts behind her actions, just as he always did. She had been patiently saving his place in her life, awaiting their reunion and the chance to apologize to him in person, just as he deserved. But when she finally returned, he wasn't there to claim his spot. He had moved on, just as he promised he would. Seven months apart had single-handedly erased seven years together.

"Bones." She heard him say her name and she turned her attention to him. "Are you sure that you're okay?" He asked, the concern in his eyes showing how honestly worried he was about her. She nodded and glanced out the window again.

_You're begging for the truth_  
_So I'm saying it to you_  
_I've been saving your place_  
_And what good does it do?_  
_Now I'm just a basket case_

_Now I'm just a basket case_

He stopped the car and got out, wanting to open the door for her. It was a move that she usually fought him on, but tonight, she was too tired to care. He walked her silently up to her apartment; his hand on her arm in that familiar way that was too much for her to bear. It took everything she had not to shake it off. Like a red hot branding iron, it was driving through to her core and she couldn't decide if she wanted to scream or cry as she slid her key into the lock and opened the door to her apartment.

_I don't say much and it'll stay that way  
You got a steel train touch and I'm just a track you lay_

"I'll see you tomorrow Booth." She said coldly, dismissing him from his duty of watching out for her. He recognized her dismissal and he looked hurt by it, but he didn't argue. What could he really say at this point?

"Get some sleep." He said, unable to stop himself from wanting to take care of her. Once upon a time, she might have believed that his care for her was actually due to love but now she knew better. He had spent every day of the last seven years doing just that. He was simply conditioned to respond, like Pavlov's dog.

_So I'll stay right here underneath you  
I'm just a basket case and that's what we do_

She nodded as she closed the door on him and fell against it, unable to stand up anymore. She slid down the wood, letting herself finally fall apart. Angry, silent tears streamed down her face as she took the blame for the situation out on herself. Why had she been so stupid as to think that a man like Booth would wait for her after she had clearly broken his heart? There was a knock on the door as Booth's voice softly made its way through the wood.

"Bones…" He sounded like his heart was breaking. "I know you're on the other side of this door. I can see your shadow." He said and she suddenly found herself hating him for only knowing her so well only when it was the most inconvenient for her. The hatred took her by surprise and she quickly reeled it back in. "Bones, open up. Please? I'm begging you to let me in." Too late, she thought bitterly. I've already opened up and what good did it do? "I'm not leaving until you open this door." He promised and she knew that he would stay right there on the hallway floor until she obeyed.

_You're begging for the truth  
So I'm saying it to you  
I've been saving your place  
And what good does it do?  
Now I'm just a basket case_

She didn't bother wiping the tears from her eyes as she stood up and opened the door. One sight of her sad and angry features and Booth was inside the hallway with his arms around her. In her already weakened state, she didn't fight him this time and she let herself cry, mourning what might have been as he held her gently in her own entryway.

"Shh. It's okay." He said as he held her firm. "I've got you." He promised.

"I'm sorry." She said through her tears. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm here. It's okay." He rubbed her back and fought his own tears.

"I'm just so tired." She whimpered. She knew that he heard what she was really saying, 'I'm too tired to pretend for you.'

"I know." He said. Of course he did. He knew her better than anyone. "It's okay." He promised. "I'm not going anywhere."

_Won't somebody come on in and tug at my seams?  
Oh, send your armies in, of robbers and thieves  
To steal the state I'm in I don't want it anymore_

Booth had stayed by her side until she fell asleep, which admittedly, didn't take long considering how sleep deprived she had actually been. He had quietly sat next to her bed, refusing to leave her side until she fell asleep. When she awoke, she expected to be alone so she turned over to stare at the ceiling and let out a sigh. It was then that she saw the jacket lying across the chair in the corner of her bedroom. Underneath it, one Special Agent lay sleeping quietly. She suddenly hated herself for being so weak. He was just as tired as she was, she was sure, but she had been the one to uncharacteristically fall to pieces in her own doorway. He deserved to move on and here she was, pulling him back in. She was going to do better. She was going to be happy for him, be a good partner, and that started with being supportive of his decisions.

_You're begging for the truth  
So I'm saying it to you  
I've been saving your place  
And what good does it do?  
Now I'm just a basket case_

Sensing that she was now awake and staring at him, Booth stirred under his makeshift blanket and opened his eyes, confused by his surroundings.

"Hey." He said, once he spotted her. "How are you feeling?" He asked before letting out a yawn.

"Better." She said. "You should get going. It's Saturday. You've got to pick up Parker soon." She said, glancing at the alarm clock on her bedside table.

"Don't have him this weekend. I wasn't exactly planning on being here." He said as he stretched and sat up, stiff from sitting at a terrible angle all night long. She hadn't thought of that as she pursed her lips together in thought.

"Then do you want breakfast?" She asked him. It was the least she could do after putting him through all of that last night. He stared at her a moment, unsure if she was just being polite.

"Sure." He said. "I'll tell you what. I'll run home and take a shower and we can meet at the diner in, say, an hour?"

"Okay." She nodded as he made his way for the door. "And Booth?" He turned around just before he left her bedroom. "Thank you." He nodded slightly.

"Any time." He replied softly. "You know, after seven years together, you would think that a genius like yourself would know that by now." He said, a small but teasing smile on his lips breaking the intensity of the moment. She watched as he disappeared around the corner and waited until she heard the front door close before climbing out of bed and getting ready for her day.

A/N: Okay, so I know that the current show's bitterness sort of seeped into this. Even I read parts of it and went…whoa, where did _**that**___come from? I think I could make this into a small story, a couple of chapters at the most. I like angst, but I like happy endings more. Thoughts? Opinions?


	2. Breathe Again

A/N: So I promised I would change this from a oneshot to a chapter fic, but it took me a lot longer than I anticipated to get around to it. If you're like me, you're probably going to want to read chapter one again and get a bit of refresher. This song is one of the most heart-crushing songs ever recorded, imho. I will never tire of the emotion that Sara can put into her phrasing. When she sings "and still I'm searching for something" at the end, I die. Every time. Amazing! If you don't own her albums, you're seriously missing out.

Disclaimer: I own neither Bones nor Sara Bareilles's music. The interpretation of both is all mine.

OOOOO

_Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back__  
__At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?_

Of course she had looked back while she was in Maluku. She would sit and dream about the life that they had before she had left to search for more. It took coming home to realize that she would always be looking back. She had destroyed something between them in her attempt to save it and now, those comfortable moments, that glow in his eyes when he looked at her, it was all gone. Now when she looked at him, she saw the soldier, the agent, the man who was all business. It felt cold to her, but she knew that he didn't mean it intentionally.

"Dr. Brennan?" Cam called out. "Is everything okay?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, everything's fine. Please continue."

"Booth was just telling us about the crime scene."

"Right." She said, giving the case her full attention again.

_All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one__  
__Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns_

I had to move on, Booth reminded himself. He had told her that he had to, so why did he suddenly find it nearly impossible to look her in the eye? The fact that she had fallen apart on him the other day was completely unexpected, and whenever he saw her, he saw that crumpled, broken woman who was hurting because of him. Still, he had been that crumpled, broken person when she turned him down. So, he had done what he needed to. He had found Hannah and she brought him back to life, taught him how to breathe again. Bones would find happiness on her own too. Eventually.

_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe__  
__Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something__  
__Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again__  
__I'll breathe again_

"It's like we never left." Brennan mused as she sat across from her partner at the diner, talking about their latest case.

"Are you okay with that?" Booth asked. Wasn't it just 7 months ago when she was running away from this life as fast as she could?

"I know that I struggled with it in the past, but now I find that I've found my place. I'm meant to be here, with you. Solving these cases." She added, hoping he wouldn't get the wrong idea. Booth smiled. It was forced, but it was a start.

"Good. I'm glad to have you back, Bones." He said as he glanced out the window. "Oh my God." He did a double take as he leapt out of his chair. Brennan watched as he ran towards the door.

"Hannah! Hey, what are you doing here?" He asked, shocked to see her.

"We can talk in a minute." She said before pulling him in for a passionate kiss. "I put in a request to be assigned to the Washington Press Core."

"That is something you said you would never do." Booth said.

"That was before I realized how much I hated waking up alone." She said as she kissed him again. Brennan watched the scene from their table, wishing that they weren't blocking the only exit. She frantically searched her mind for an excuse to leave and stop witnessing the scene before her, but she couldn't come up with any that Booth wouldn't question.

"Bones, I want you to meet Hannah. Hannah, this is my partner, Dr. Temperance Brennan."

"Hi. It's a pleasure to finally meet you! I've heard so much about you." Hannah said as she stuck out her hand enthusiastically.

"Hello." She said as her phone rang. She glanced down and saw that it was Angela. "I'm sorry. This is important. I'll just leave you two to get caught up." She smiled fakely as she stood up and left some money on the table for breakfast.

"It was nice meeting you." Hannah said as she watched the anthropologist walk briskly away.

"Hannah is here." Brennan spoke into the phone.

"Booth's Hannah?" Angela said, shocked. "I thought that she was in Iraq?"

"She requested to be transferred here. Ange, she moved across the world to be with him." Angela knew how devastating that must be for her best friend.

"Come back to the lab. Right now. Get out of that diner and get to my office and we'll talk."

"I'm already halfway there." She said, before hanging up the phone.

_Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth__  
__And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view__  
__Hang my head, break my heart, built from all I have torn apart__  
__And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore_

She drove the rest of the way in silence, pondering what this meant for their partnership. It was one thing to know that Booth had fallen in love in Afghanistan; it was a completely different experience to witness his joy and their love first hand. As she parked her car, she lost herself for a moment to the tears. Too late, too late, too late. The realization hit her in waves, pounding into her consciousness with a cruelty she knew that she had brought on herself. She cursed herself as she angrily wiped at the tears. Hadn't she promised to be more supportive of him? Hannah being in D.C. instead of in Iraq shouldn't change that decision. In fact, it should make it all the more important for her to be supportive of their relationship. Still, she knew that it would take time to get used to the idea that this woman was now a part of her everyday life. She composed herself completely before walking into the lab, but one sight of Angela, standing outside her office with open arms and she nearly fell apart again.

"Ange, I can't right now." Brennan said desperately through her tear-choked throat. She wouldn't fall apart at work. She refused to. This was the place away from it all. This was her sanctuary. Cam turned around violently at the sound of Brennan's voice.

"Office, now." She said as she pushed the anthropologist and artist into Angela's office and shut the door. The last thing they needed was an audience. "What is going on?" Cam asked.

"She's here." Angela explained.

"Who?" Cam asked.

"Hannah." She said, her disdain -filled voice showing exactly how she felt about the blonde.

"She surprised Booth at the diner." Brennan stated sadly. "He said it was serious, but I didn't realize…." She cut herself off.

"No one could have seen that coming." Cam assured her.

"I need your advice." Brennan admitted, surprising the pair.

"On what?" Angela asked.

"On how to get over Booth." She was serious. Angela knew what it was like to be heartbroken. To wish that there was a simple lobotomy that could just take that part of your life out of your memory, but it wasn't that simple.

"Sweetie…"

"Ange, this woman gave up her life, her career, to be with Booth. I used mine as an excuse. She traveled halfway around the world to be with him. I traveled halfway around the world to escape him." She felt the knot in her throat swell, but she swallowed it back down. "She clearly deserves him. And more importantly, he deserves her." Angela hugged her friend tightly again before looking over Brennan's shoulder at Cam for help. For once in her life, she was unsure of what to say to comfort her best friend.

"No. You and Booth have something special. In a relationship or not, I'm not going to give you advice on how to ruin that." Cam said, refusing to help.

"We used to have something special, but it's over. We're not the same people anymore. I thought that I would come back from Maluku and explain but clearly, I'm too late. In fact, I'm the reason that they're together in the first place." She chuckled humorlessly. Cam winced at the sardonic tone in Brennan's voice. "No. I made my decision and now I have to either live with that burden or find a way to move on and I don't want to carry this feeling around with me for the rest of my life. I'm not that strong." She admitted quietly.

_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe__  
__Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something_  
_Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again_

If seeing Hannah walk into the diner was hard, the next few weeks were torture. Booth was completely absent from Brennan's life outside of cases and even that relationship was strained and distant. The thought of continuing their partnership like this nearly destroyed her. Could she keep pretending that they were and had always been simply partners? For the first time in her life, she was starting to see just how close they had become over their five years of working together. All of the times she had said that they were 'just partners' were now coming back to mock her. Now, they were just partners, but before, they were best friends, and even more from time to time, if she were being completely honest with herself. Every time Booth smiled at Hannah, or she held his hand, every kiss they shared that Brennan was forced to witness felt like a knife to her chest. Actually, this felt worse. Brennan knew what it felt like to be stabbed and she would welcome that pain over this feeling any day.

_It hurts to be here_  
_I only wanted love from you_  
_It hurts to be here_  
_What am I gonna do?_

Logically, she rationalized that if she was feeling this way, there was only one way to move and that was up. After all, she had broken his heart and now look at how happy he was. She would find happiness outside of him and she would move on too. She may be at the bottom of the ocean right now, but she refused to drown. She would swim to the surface. Someday, she would breathe again.

_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe_  
_Holds my love in his hands, and still I'm searching_  
_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe_  
_Holds my love in his hands, and still I'm searching for something_  
_Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again_  
_I'll breathe again, I'll breathe again, I'll breathe again,_

_I'll breathe again, I'll breathe again_


	3. Hold My Heart

A/N: Chapter three! This is sort of my take on The Doctor in the Photo. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Bones or Sara Bareilles related. Minus some seasons, albums and the occasional concert tee. :) Please don't sue me.

OOOOO

_I never meant to be the one to let you down__  
__If anything, I thought I saw myself going first__  
__I didn't know how to stick around__  
__How to see anybody but me be getting hurt__  
_

As Booth walked out of the Founding Fathers with Hannah, Brennan had to remind herself that she was the one that had told him no. She had rejected him and not the other way around. He was not being malicious or hurtful by moving on. He was doing what was right for him. So why did it feel like she had failed him? Why did she feel that, once again, she wasn't worthy of him or his time?

She hadn't been able to see past her own fears that night. Abandonment, rejection, unworthiness: they were all feelings that she had felt pounding in her chest that evening and now, for some reason, she was right back to where she started. She had only been trying to protect their partnership and by extension, her own heart. She couldn't have foreseen that the hurt that she had pushed away from herself had been pushed onto him instead. When she had realized what she had done, she ended up fleeing so that she wouldn't have to look at how much damage she had created in her wake.

_I keep remembering the summer night__  
__And the conversation breaking up the mood__  
__I didn't want to tell you you were right__  
__Like the season changing, oh, I felt it too_

She wished that she could go back. She wished that she could have prepared for his request so she could have answered him honestly, logically, rationally. She could have made him understand if she had only had the time. The truth was that she did go back. She went back all the time.

She could remember it like it was yesterday. The dark sky. The look in his eyes. Sweets had gotten to him, convinced him that they could work. She remembered sitting in that session, silently begging Sweets to leave it alone. He should have known that he was playing with fire! After all, what kind of psychologist tells a gambler to go with his instincts? But Sweets never got her telepathic messages and a few short minutes later, her world came crashing down around her.

_Does anybody know how to hold my heart__  
__How to hold my heart?__  
__'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon__  
__I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark__  
__How to hold my heart__  
__'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you_

If you asked her, she could tell you every single word of Booth's speech. She could describe the way that he had looked when he had asked for more, so stoic at first and then, so desperate. She could describe the panic that rose in her chest as she pushed him away, ending his frantic kiss. Still, somewhere deep inside of her, when he had kissed her, she had wanted to kiss back. She had wanted to say yes so badly, but the rational side of her, the scientist, knew that this was not something that they could just gamble on. All she had ever wanted from him was the honest acceptance that she was enough. But Booth had bigger dreams in mind that night. He wanted decades, she just wanted him.

_I'm not the kind to try to tell you lies__  
__But the truth is you've been hiding from it too_

_I see the end sneaking in behind your eyes__  
__Saying everything no words could ever do_

__During the gravedigger trial, and especially after, she had been honest with him about her growing need for space. The truth was that she had slowly been losing her will to survive their partnership. After her confession, she could tell that he was panicked. He seemed caught off-guard by her admission and for a few minutes he acted as though he were desperate for her to stay. He didn't realize that she was already gone.

However, it was a few short days later when she recognized the same look in his eyes, the lack or the unwillingness to fight for their partnership. He was just as tired as she was at trying to put the pieces back together. She couldn't blame him. After all, she was the one who had done the breaking. She knew that agreeing to continue working together was incredibly hard for him. It had been selfish on her part to expect that nothing would have to change. She also knew that he would never have admitted it, but the fact that he didn't try and stop her when she thought about leaving for a year was important. It told her everything that she needed to know about how much she had actually broken him and by extension, them. He had lost his will to fight and she had lost her will to stay. Looking back, it was a lethal combination.

His indifference to her departure had stung, but at the time, she had been grateful that he didn't put up a fight. But now, she wished that he would have slapped some sense into her. Convinced her to stay, using whatever means necessary. If he could read people so well, why couldn't he see what she really needed when she had said that she wanted to leave?

_Does anybody know how to hold my heart__  
__How to hold my heart?__  
__'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon__  
__I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark__  
__How to hold my heart__  
__'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you_

For a brief moment, she let her anger at his obtuseness consume her. He was the people person; he should have used his skills to see her! Why did he only seem to use them when she wanted to hide her thoughts from him? When she wanted him to read her like a book, he couldn't even open the cover. She sighed. It wasn't fair to blame him. She knew that she was just as much to blame for the current situation, maybe more. She should have told him what she needed that night; she should have been brave. She glanced over at him. Even if he was taken, it was never too late to make things right. She couldn't help but chuckle at herself for the phrase. Maybe Booth had worn off on her more than even she realized. Still, she would choose to be brave now and she would make it right. It was only fair to both of them if she got this off her metaphoric chest.

"Booth, can we talk?" She asked as she looked up from her long-forgotten paperwork.

"Sure." He said, tossing his own work aside. "What's up?"

"I don't lie and I don't want to start." Booth stared at her.

"Um, okay. Well, I don't want you to start either." He said, meaning it but unsure of where this conversation was going.

"Okay," she said, gaining confidence "then I have to say this and I don't want you to get the wrong idea, I just…it needs to be said." She took a deep breath. "I wanted to say yes that night." She looked him square in the eye to show him she meant it. "I panicked because it came out of center field..."

"Left field." He corrected her without thinking. She smiled at the long-forgotten corrections that used to occur between them all the time.

"I can't read people as well as you can, so despite the fact that you had been showing me love for a long time, I only heard your words. It wasn't until the actions were gone that I realized just how much you actually cared for me." She looked down.

"Bones…"

"I realized in Maluku that I had made a huge mistake and I regretted it. I came back with the intentions of explaining everything and hoping for a second chance." She told him. Booth tried to hide the shock that was quickly appearing, but he wasn't quick enough. "I know that you have Hannah now and I don't want to ruin anything between you two, because I know how happy she makes you. This has nothing to do with that. I just, I want to apologize for not understanding sooner, for making us go through this separation, in order to figure out what I want. It was what I had to do, but it wasn't fair to you." She said, sure of her actions. "It took leaving to understand that I wasn't just your partner, that I was never just your friend. I know that I've missed my chance with you." She teared up slightly. "I know." She forced herself to compose herself before continuing. "Saying no to you will forever remain the biggest regret of my life." She assured him with a confidence he found terrifying. "I just, I thought that you deserved an explanation and an apology." He stared at her tear-filled eyes for a moment before looking away.

"Okay. Uh, thanks Bones." He said, unable to process what she had just told him. She had seen the brush off before, sitting on a bench when she had first mentioned Maluku. It was the first time she realized just how much damage she had done.

She wondered if he really heard her or if that aspect of their relationship was gone for good. There was a time when he heard, and more importantly, understood, everything that she said, even the things that she wasn't able to verbalize. But now, in the aftermath of that night, he only heard what he expected to hear.

_Is anybody listening?__  
__'Cause I'm crying__  
__Is anybody listening?_

They hadn't spoke again until he had offered her a lame goodbye and a pile of completed paperwork. As soon as he was out of the lab, she let go, crying softly to herself for a few seconds. It was just enough to stop the pressure in her chest that she had been trying to hold in for the last ten minutes. She composed herself quickly, refusing to cry anymore. She had spoken her piece. He knew how she felt. It was done.

_Does anybody know how to hold my heart__  
__How to hold my heart?__  
__'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon_

_I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark__  
__How to hold my heart__  
__'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you_


	4. Between the Lines

A/N: Out of the 3657 songs on my iTunes, this song is number one on my Most Played list. I adore it. This chapter is dedicated to anyone who has ever ended a relationship without actually being in a relationship to begin with. If you've been there, you know.

_Time to tell me the truth__  
__To burden your mouth for what you say__  
__No pieces of paper in the way__  
__'Cause I can't continue pretending to choose__  
__The opposite sides on which we fall__  
__The loving you laters, if at all__  
__No right minds could wrong be this many times_

Cam strode into Brennan's office to witness a scene that she had never seen before. Brennan and Angela were in a stare down, Brennan's arms were firmly folded across her chest and she was holding a note in her hand. Angela was throwing her arms in the air in frustration, trying to convince the anthropologist of something that she wasn't willing to hear.

"Honey, I'm telling you, things are getting serious between them. You know that all you have to do is say the word and he'll be back here so fast your head will spin. I don't know why you aren't willing to take the chance! If you don't fight for him now, you might miss your only shot at happiness!"

"We've missed hundreds of chances, Ange! Did it ever occur to you that maybe the reason that we kept missing the chances is because it wasn't supposed to happen?" Brennan said. Angela fell silent. "Everyone, myself included, believed that it was just a matter of time. If and when the time was right, it would all fall into place and work out. But clearly, that's never going to happen!"

"You don't know that unless you try!"

"I did!" She finally yelled, taking both Angela and the still unnoticed Cam by surprise. "I told him and it didn't change a thing." She said. "Actually, that's not true." She corrected herself bitterly. "Now, he can't even be in the same room with me. He has stopped talking to me altogether outside of a case. We communicate through texts and these silly pieces of paper left on each other's desks." Brennan said as she slammed the piece of paper down. "He chose Hannah. He wants Hannah. The faster you get used to that idea, the easier it will be on everyone."

_My memory is cruel__  
__I'm queen of attention-to-details__  
__Defending intentions if he fails__  
__Until now, he told me her name__  
__It sounded familiar in a way__  
__I could have sworn I'd heard him__  
__Say it ten thousand times__  
__If only I had been listening_

"But you do admit that love is an idiot, right?" She said, wanting him to at least agree on that point. They were walking side by side after solving their chocolate case and despite the tension, Brennan was hopeful that tonight would be a Hannah free environment for at least a few hours. Everyone had been all too aware of his lack of presence around the lab lately and she had defended him to the others, stating that he had just been busy getting back into the swing of things and then he had been busy helping Hannah adjust to life back in the States. She had told them all the things that he would have said to them, had he actually been around to say them. However, his excuses were running low as they had been home for almost six weeks now. This could finally be a time to sit around a Founding Fathers table with the rest of their makeshift family and celebrate, just like old times. Her dreams were shattered at the ringing of Booth's cell phone.

"Oh look at that. Hannah's back." He said, waving his cell phone in his hand. He glanced at it before turning around to face her. "Um, you know, this whole thing that we're going to here?"

"The official announcement that Angela is pregnant?" She said, hoping to convey the importance of the event.

"Yeah. I feel, um, I feel pretty stupid pretending." Unlike love, Brennan wasn't an idiot. She knew what he was trying to do.

"You're trying to find a justification so you can go home and have sex with Hannah, right?" She said.

"Yeah." He said only feeling slightly guilty. "Plus, we already all know anyway." He validated his point in his own mind.

"But Hodgins doesn't know we know." She told him, knowing that Booth might be persuaded to do it for Hodgins' sake.

"Yeah, but Angela says that if you can't pretend not knowing then you shouldn't go, so I shouldn't go." Getting frustrated, Brennan tried one last trick. She played to the basest of his weaknesses, his own guilt.

"If you want, I can lie to all of our friends and say that you have pressing FBI business." She offered, assuming that it would trigger his Catholic guilt and make him stay. His face twisted for a second and she thought that he had come to his senses.

"I don't like the idea of lying to our friends," he started "but I'm going to go with it. Thanks." Brennan stood there, dumbfounded.

"Uh, tell Hannah 'Welcome home'." Brennan said as she watched an unrecognizable man walk away down the dark street. Brennan walked into the bar and sat down at the table. Cam looked around before realizing that Brennan had arrived alone.

"Don't tell me…." She said, not wanting to believe the worst in one of her oldest friends.

"He had pressing FBI business." Brennan said, covering for him once again, but this time, not bothering to sell the lie. Sweets looked at Cam and Brennan. Cam sighed and leaned back in her chair, disappointed in his choices. Sweets was brave enough to say the name out loud.

"Let me guess, Hannah?"

Hannah. Brennan knew that, for Booth, it was the name that had now become synonymous with his dream life. It was like it had always been there, whispered latently, lingering just below the surface whenever he spoke of his future perfect life. But now, that unknown entity finally had a name, a face. Hannah was everything that Brennan could never give him. Hannah was simple. Hannah was uncomplicated. Hannah was beautiful and smart and easier to love. More importantly, when Booth looked at her, he believed that he could have that perfect life, have it all, with her.

For everyone else, however, Hannah had become a four letter word. Brennan had been so consumed in Booth's recent abandonment of her that she hadn't realized that he had abandoned them all. He had let them all down in one way or another and that hurt almost worse. At least she had done something to deserve it, the others were just paying for her crimes against him.

_Leave unsaid unspoken__  
__Eyes wide shut unopened__  
__You and me__  
__Always between the lines__  
_

_I thought I, thought I was ready to bleed__  
__That we'd move from the shadows on the wall__  
__And stand in the center of it all__  
__Too late, two choices, to stay or to leave__  
__Mine was so easy to uncover__  
__He'd already left with the other__  
__So I learned to listen through silence_

"How is Dr. Brennan handling this?" Sweets asked Angela later that night.

"She came home expecting to start a relationship with him and instead she found out he was in love with a beautiful blonde reporter. How do you think she's handling it, Sweets?"

"I would imagine she feels replaced." Sweets asked.

"I feel replaced and I'm not even in love with the man." Angela said honestly. "When was the last time you saw him outside of work?" She asked the table. "Not since Hannah arrived." She answered for them.

"I, for one, thought that the time apart would make them realize how much they belonged together." Cam said.

"It did happen. Just not for him." Angela said. Everyone fell silent as Brennan made her way back from the bar with a new round of drinks for everyone.

"Stop looking at me like that." She told them all. She knew that she was a topic of conversation lately, but she refused to be treated like some helpless lovesick teenager. "We all just need some time to get used to the way things are now. We can adjust." She promised them as she handed the drinks out. "Besides, if Booth's happy, then we should be happy for him." They all knew that she was trying to convince herself as much as she was trying to convince them.

_Leave unsaid unspoken__  
__Eyes wide shut unopened__  
__You and me, always be...__  
__You and me, always be..._

Despite Brennan's assurance that she would be okay. Cam wasn't impressed by Booth's actions and so the next day, she cornered him in his office.

"Hey Cam. What are you doing here?" He asked with a smile. She shut the door behind her.

"You might want to stop smiling. I'm here to yell at you." She told him honestly. Booth frowned as he searched her for a reason. "You skipped out on Angela and Hodgins' baby announcement? To do what? Have sex with Hannah?"

"Cam…" He said, not sure what he was going to say to defend himself. What could he say? She knew that he had nothing so she called his bluff and waited for him to continue. He didn't.

"Look, I know that you are in that happy, stupid, honeymoon part of your relationship. Hannah just moved in and you're all adorable playing House, I get it." She said. "But you've effectively discarded everyone else in your life for her! More importantly, think about what you've asked your partner to put up with." Booth got a fire in his eyes at the mention of Brennan, telling Cam that it was clearly a sore spot for him.

"What's going on between me and Bones is none of your business." He told her, getting angry and defensive, a deadly combination for him.

"Maybe not, but you disappointed everyone with the choice you made last night, Booth. Myself included." She told him. "And for what? A few hours of sex?" She shook her head. "I hope it was worth it." She walked out of his office, leaving Booth sitting there wondering just how much damage he had actually caused in his selfishness.

_I tell myself__  
__All the words he surely meant to say__  
__I'll talk until__  
__The conversation doesn't stay on__  
__"Wait for me, I'm almost ready,"__  
__When he meant "Let go,"__  
_

Brennan was sitting at her desk when Booth tapped sheepishly on the doorframe. She glanced up but couldn't hide the shock on her face at seeing him in the lab. She had assumed that he wouldn't set foot in the place willfully anymore.

"Can I come in?" He asked, still standing outside the door.

"Yes." She said as she watched him walk in and sit down in the chair across from her desk.

"Look Bones, I owe you an apology." He said frankly. "What I did last night, what I asked you to do…" He sighed. "It was wrong and I'm sorry." Brennan examined his face. He looked sincere but not sorry.

"You asked me to lie." She said quietly, clearly hurt by that fact. He suddenly realized why Cam thought he should apologize. Bones was the most honest person he had ever met. Asking her to lie was like asking him to blaspheme in a Catholic church.

"I know." He murmured, letting the first trappings of guilt sink in.

"To my best friends." She added. He looked up at her and he could see what she wanted to say, but couldn't. He had asked her to lie, to her best friends, so that he could go have sex with his girlfriend, who wasn't her. He folded his hands in front of his mouth for a minute as the denial finally washed away and he let himself be fully aware of his actions. And that wasn't even the worst thing he had done.

He had tried so hard to distance himself from her for his own self-preservation that he had actually forced himself to forget what kind of woman she was. That was the point of self-preservation, he realized. There was a reason that he had fallen in love with her. These past few weeks since Hannah had returned, he had let himself believe that she was the socially inept anthropologist that she had been when they had first met. He'd gotten exasperated with her attempts at humor, rolled his eyes whenever she had made a mistake rather than correct her. The truth was, she couldn't be further from that person. She had cried herself to sleep when she realized that he wasn't available anymore. She had opened up and told him the truth about her feelings, despite the fact that it was so scary, even he hadn't been able to cope with it. She had covered for him when she hated lying more than anything else on this earth.

Brennan watched the realization dawn on his features and she finally saw what she needed to see. All this time she had thought that he just needed time to adjust, now she saw that he had already found his coping technique and it was shutting her out, and that included everyone and everything that reminded him of her. Booth noticed the change in her expression and he knew that she knew what he had really done that required the apology.

"Can you ever forgive me?" He asked, and they both knew what he was really asking. She nodded, letting him know that they were okay. "Bones, I..." He tried to explain himself but she held up her hand.

"Don't." She said as she stood up. "I get it, Booth." After all, no one knew about putting up walls more than she did.

_Leave unsaid unspoken__  
__Eyes wide shut unopened__  
__You and me, always be...__  
__You and me__  
__Always between the lines_


	5. Epilogue: The Light

**A/N: So I'm going to be honest, I'm skipping ahead to the good part. No one is allowed to complain as tomorrow is both my AND David Boreanaz's birthday. Unless you live in Australia, then it's my birthday right now! In honor of our shared birthday, this chapter has some of my favorite things: thunderstorms, Sara B, and a very naked Booth. Very happy Epilogue reading! :D**

OOOOO

_In the morning it comes, heaven sent a hurricane_  
_Not a trace of the sun but I don't even run from rain_  
_Beating out of my chest, heart is holding on to you_  
_From the moment I knew_  
_From the moment I knew_

His lungs were burning, his muscles were jelly, but Booth couldn't stop running. He had woken up that morning to the sound of thunder and an anxiousness that could only be explained by the approaching April storm. He had immediately thrown on his running shoes and taken off. He didn't know where he was going, he just had to run, run until he couldn't think anymore. Sure enough, now thirty minutes into his run, the rain broke through the dark clouds and washed away the sweat that was pouring out of his beaten body.

This caused two major issues for him. One: running in the rain was suddenly reminding him of his first kiss with Brennan and this was not conducive to the original spirit of the run. And two: he was miles from his own place.

He turned the corner and realized where his feet had taken him and he had to stop dead in his tracks. He was just down the street from her apartment. His heart, pounding against his ribcage, screamed for him to move forward, to just get all of the waiting over with.

After all, it had been his heart that had held onto her through all of their fights, all of the pain, the separation, even the loss of Hannah. Through all that Booth had survived, his heart still called out to her and her alone. But even his brain had to admit, she had been above and beyond supportive. After his apology in the lab, she had given him the space he had so desperately needed. She had stepped aside, let him make his mistakes, watched as he had proposed to Hannah and sat next to him after she had said no. She had stayed his partner in whatever way he had needed her to be and not a single way more. And ever since her attempt to cheer him up by giving him the best Valentine's Day gift ever on the most ill-timed holiday of his life, he hadn't seen the woman who broke his heart, or the genius leader of the squint squad, or even his partner. He had seen her and her magnanimous, unfailing heart.

But it wasn't until the blizzard that Booth finally realized just how much she had done for him. She had dragged a row of bleachers through the snow, only to sit in a stuck elevator with him for hours when she knew that a simple kick to the chairs would free them. However, she would never assist in breaking something that meant so much to him, at least, not without his permission. She watched him act like a child towards Sweets and listened to him talk about his dad. She fixed his back with her magic knuckles. And then, as if all of that wasn't enough, she ended the evening by burning scraps of paper, willingly participating in a ritual that he knew she thought was ridiculous. After she had gone home that evening, he was struck by the thought of how few people would go through all of that by his side without a single complaint. It was then that he really figured it out.

This was the way that she showed her feelings.

Her quiet actions were small, but as he added them up over the years, they painted a pretty large picture. She had been silently declaring her love for him all along. And because it wasn't the outward declaration he had always expected, the actions had gone relatively unnoticed and defined as "partnerly".

As he stood on the corner in the pouring rain, he once again felt the warmth of her love and more importantly, he felt the forgotten beating of his own heart for her. He looked down at his watch. It was seven o' clock on a Sunday morning, he was drenched from the rain and he was in his tattered workout clothes, but suddenly, he knew exactly where he needed to be.

_You were the air in my breath filling up my love soaked lungs_  
_Such a beautiful mess intertwined and overrun_  
_Nothing better than this, oh, and then the storm can come_  
_You feel just like the sun_  
_Just like the sun_

Brennan was sitting on her couch with a cup of tea when the knock came to her door. She glanced at the clock and set her tea down on the coffee table. She walked over to the door slowly and glanced through the peephole. She frowned when she saw it was Booth. Thinking something must be wrong, she opened the door quickly. He stood there staring at her for a second and she had the ability to take in his disheveled appearance, but that wasn't what stole her breath away. He was dripping wet from the rain and his jaw was set in determined frustration and his entire body emanated a tense heat. She thought about her own sweatpants and hoodie and wished she had changed. As if he could read her sensual thoughts, Booth swooped in and kissed her, without saying a single word.

_And if you say we'll be alright_  
_I'm gonna trust you, babe_  
_I'm gonna look in your eyes_  
_And if you say we'll be alright_  
_I'll follow you into the light_

Brennan knew that this was something that he would need to explain to her later, but for now, she welcomed his passion greedily and gave back just as much. His skin was flushed and warm from his run despite his dripping hair and his muscles felt deliciously tight under her hands as she ran one hand up the back of his neck and the other up his arm. He pulled his lips away from hers briefly but their foreheads remained touching. They took each other in, saying more with their gazes than either one could say out loud.

"I didn't plan this." He finally spoke.

"I don't care." She said as she kissed him again. "You're here." She said, as if that were enough.

_Never mind what I knew, nothing seems to matter now_  
_Ooh, who I was without you, I can do without_

_No one knows where it ends, how it may come tumbling down_  
_But I'm here with you now_  
_I'm with you now_

Booth couldn't think about anything but her lips, her tongue, her taste. She was like water in the desert and he wondered how he could have possibly gone this long without kissing her. She pulled away so that she could begin undressing him.

"I didn't even know I was headed here until I wound up on your block." He told her. She nodded in understanding as she removed his wet t-shirt and threw it on the floor. "Bones…" He put his hands on her wrists, forcing her to pause long enough to look into his eyes. "I don't ever want to lose you." He said, knowing that what they were about to do would cause a serious shift in their relationship. There was no going back from that.

"You never will." She promised, laying her hands on his chest. "I'm right here, Booth." She said, as if that were the only proof that he needed. "And I always will be. I love you." She hadn't believed that she could feel those words before she had met him, let alone tell anyone that she felt them. Booth knew this and he wrapped his strong arms around her body and just held her for a second, taking in the moment.

"I thought you didn't believe in love?" He asked. The question surprised him, but he needed to know. After all that they had gone through, some actual communication wouldn't kill them.

"I didn't." She said. "But I've… evolved." She chose her words carefully. "My time with you has shown me sufficient evidence to the contrary."

"You have evidence?" He smirked.

"More evidence than I could have ever hoped for." She assured him. She wanted, needed for him to know just what effect he had on her. She had never considered letting her guard down for anyone else, but with him, the act came easily. She was finally willing to trust that he loved her for who she really was, and not who he wanted her to be. More importantly, she was finally willing to believe that she was capable of loving him just as much in return. She knew that she could be what he needed and she was ready to let herself need him. "Do you love me?" She asked hesitantly and Booth realized he hadn't actually said the words to her, even if he had felt them for a long time.

"God, yes." He said as he brought her forehead to his lips. "I love you more than you could ever know." He promised as he kissed her nose, the corner of her mouth, her jaw, peppering her with light kisses, murmuring his devotion between each one. She didn't realize they were heading for her bedroom until she felt the back of her legs hit the side of her bed and she nearly lost her balance at the contact. Booth's hand left her cheek to land surely on the small of her back, steadying her from toppling over. He selfishly took the opportunity to pull her even closer to him.

"Thank you." She smiled at his chivalry. He nodded and kissed her once but she pulled away. She unzipped her sweatshirt and threw it to the side of the room, leaving her in a white cami. Booth's hands immediately went to the drawstring of her pants, wanting to help her undress. When they were both completely naked, she once again found her hands sliding up his perfectly sculpted chest before sliding down his arms to take his hands.

His were the hands of a sniper. Sure and steady, rough but strong, and after years of him reaching across the diner table to comfort her, she knew that her own delicate hands could be covered and hidden under his. She intertwined their fingers, feeling his familiar calloused touch between her soft pale skin as she examined his hands. They were trembling slightly. She looked up into his eyes for an answer, both curious and surprised by this new side of him.

"You." He answered her silent question. "Only you can do this to me." She stared up at him in disbelief, surprised at his answer, but as his words washed over her body, it reacted in awe. She had undone him, just as he had undone her. She kissed him slowly, grateful for his answer. When she pulled away, she knew what to say in response.

"Make love to me." She requested quietly, giving him the control. He closed his eyes before kissing her desperately. It was exactly what he had always wanted to hear from her.

_And if you say we'll be alright_  
_I'm gonna trust you, babe_  
_I'm gonna look in your eyes_  
_And if you say we'll be alright_  
_I'll follow you into the light_

_Let the world come rush in_  
_Come down hard, come crushing_  
_All I need is right here beside me_

_I'm not enough, I swear it_  
_But take my love and wear it _

_Over your shoulder_

As he lay with her snuggled next to him, listening to the rain tapping out a rhythm on her window, he couldn't help but think about the last time he had been in this bedroom. He absent-mindedly ran his hand up and down the arm laying across his chest, tracing lines from her elbow to her wrist and back again. He glanced at the chair in the corner and remembered her breakdown, remembered how he had longed to hold her just like this and make it better. Instead, he had tucked her in and let her cry as he watched from the sidelines, all the while knowing that he had been the one to cause her pain. He knew that she realized that she had caused him just as much pain in return, but the fact that he was the reason she cried still pulled at his heart strings. He chuckled to himself as he heard his internal Brennan correct him on his anatomy mistake and she glanced up to see what he was laughing at.

"What?" She asked.

"I'm just thinking." He smiled.

"Good thoughts?" She hoped.

"About how much I love you."

"Mmm. Good thoughts." She smiled, answering her own question. Booth knew in that moment that she was all that he ever needed to be happy. He took a chance on their newfound relationship and decided to be as open with his feelings as she had been earlier.

"I know that we've been through a lot, Bones." He acknowledged. "I just, I want you to know that this, right here, you." He smiled. "You're what I've always needed. Even when I didn't realize it." The magnitude of his words was felt in her soul as she sat up fully next to him.

"You need me?" She asked, still unable to believe that someone as strong as he was could actually need her as much as she needed him.

"More than anything." He said. "Does that scare you?" He asked, wanting her to feel comfortable.

"No." She wasn't afraid by his words, but she took the responsibility of being needed seriously. "I depend so much on you that it's difficult to believe that you could need me the same way." She said honestly. "But I will always try my best to take care of you, Booth. After all that we've been through together, I am aware that I'm willing to fight even harder for you than I am for myself." She said.

"And we both know how much you like defending yourself." He teased.

"I really do." She smiled. They let the moment fall into silence before Booth picked up her hand and intertwined their fingers, letting his thumb trace circles on her palm. Brennan was comforted to know that this time, his hands were as sure as they ever were. She smiled at him and they both felt the realization sink in. After seven years of storms, they were going to be alright. They had finally made it into their light.

_And if you say we'll be alright_  
_I'm gonna trust you, babe_  
_I'm gonna look in your eyes_  
_And if you say we'll be alright_  
_I'll follow you into the light_


End file.
